Grieving as Practice at the End of 2020

December 19th, 2020 by Kat Kingsley-Hughes

Mindfulness teaching and university courses all done for the year now. So now I am moving into a bit of a home retreat space. Time to practice more and time to rest. And most importantly, time to bring a bit of ritual into life.

I am realising how much ritual has been lost in 2020. Those things we do together and that we pay particular attention to doing carefully and well. Whether that is the companionable silence and holding modest gaze on a retreat, the lovely nourishing bit at the end of a Hakomi weekend, birthing a shamanic drum together, singing or sharing a story at a gathering, sitting in a circle, sitting around a fire, doing tai chi on the lawn, practicing consent at a cuddle party or tantra retreat, smudging each other with sage, doing mindful walking together, passing round a talking stick, dancing together in five rhythms, ringing bells at the end of a practice, lying down for a gong bath, suiting up for paddleboarding, reading aloud a poem, packing my backpack for a camping trip, and so many more rituals that I have been missing so much this last crazy year of restraint and distancing and survival.

I am really looking forward to the ritual of baring my arm and receiving a vaccine! πŸ™ So that I can take part in all the other rituals in person again. πŸ™‡β€β™€οΈπŸ’•

But for now I want to honour the sadness that’s filling my heart after losing my mum and my brother and so many others. I want to honour the loss at the end of some relationships that I have been holding onto even though they were toxic to me. And I want to stay down with the difficult feelings at the end of this very difficult year.

For once I am going to let myself feel depressed and sad, and to trust that I will be ready to rise up again when this dark time has taught me every thing that it needs to. When I have fought my tendency to bounce back too hard and too soon. When all the changes and losses of the past few years have finally had a chance to be fully integrated, without my bloody resilience jumping in the way again. When I have looked after myself and nurtured myself through this.

When I am once again feeling ready to step forward into my life. When, instead of constantly feeling reactive to all that’s been happening in my life, I am once again clear and energised enough to step forward proactively, with my own energy and drive to go forward into this new and very different life.

For now I am moving into practice and ritual and turning towards this time of difficulty into a conscious deliberate way and honouring all that I find here. Stepping into the darkness …

πŸ‘£ πŸ™ πŸ™‡β€β™€οΈ πŸ•―πŸ§˜β€β™€οΈ

Go well and take care friends. β™₯️
And don’t forget to find some ritual xx

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 19th, 2020 at 4:39 pm and is filed under Flotsam. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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