Compassion for the blaming mind

January 21st, 2021 by Kat Kingsley-Hughes

That space where we blame others … it is a space we may grow beyond if we work at it. Of course convincing people who have a strong need to blame that there might a better way is another matter. Plenty have tried it and failed.

In truth we can’t convince anyone of what they are not ready to perceive, especially when what we are asking them to believe runs counter to what their nervous system has experienced or is experiencing. And those who are victims of injustice and abuse need to occupy that blaming space, and rightly so. To bury our heads and not see injustice is to be complicit in it.

So what do we do when we encounter those who need to blame and to have bad guys and dramatic stories and conspiracies? This tests my patience so often and I feel helpless and frustrated that I can’t teach what I have learned to anyone else. I forget that it’s taken me a lifetime to grow beyond blaming others and I know I still have a long way left to travel on this journey. I forget what a hard journey it has been for me to get this far. I have to have some compassion that I am still learning as I go. This is a list I have made of things I remind myself to do at those times:

-Take a moment to empathise what the pain of the other person’s past and the fear of difference might hold for them.

-Take a moment to acknowledge your own journey and your own privilege.

-Take a moment to imagine what threats they may have experienced and still perceive. Just because you do not perceive them doesn’t mean they are not real for them.

-Take a moment to consider what benefits fear and anger can offer to a brain and a nervous system. Like any drug, fear and anger will be hard for them to move away or let go of. It takes time and patience.

  • Take a moment to experience some compassion for them. And for yourself. This is hard to ponder. Sit with it.
  • And take a moment to silently wish them well upon their journey of discovery. That is theirs. Now do yours.

We are all of us learning and growing each and every day.

May the wolf we all feed be love.

May each of us find a sense of safety and peace along the path 🙏

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 21st, 2021 at 2:57 pm and is filed under Flotsam. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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